Bisbee. A newYear.
As I sit here in a coffee shop in Old Bisbee on new years’ eve, I ponder the last year, as I sip my double americano. I actually just drank it in 3 gulps. Wondering what to say on this post. When I look back on the year it was driving mostly. Going to markets and festivals. Making new friends and seeing some old. Adventure abounded. We saw some amazing landscapes and ventured into some remote places. We broke down and repaired then broke down again and kept going. Aura travelled afar and had her own “coming of age” ceremony. She went out into the world solo and returned un-harmed and emboldened. Ivy turned 13 and felt the sadness of missing her home and friends. Her running place and her swimming beach. Her overnight place and her stomping streets. Her “blue” store turned red and the valley she adores. Not yet replaced she still dreams of the day she will return. Nowa, is trying on 6. Fits him well. Making friends wherever we land , for the day or the month or the season. Pushing against boundaries trying to test the capacity of his might. Exploring his magical powers with card tricks and an obsession with his ever growing collection of magic tricks he loves to fool people and prank them non stop. A brief macabe interest in mouse traps didnt end well and new desire to delve into science do experiments with all things chemical. He brings joy to my heart and healing to my own “little boy” deep inside. Our 3 shining stars, are doing ok. They still sparkle , each in their own way. I know someday this journey will have worked in them like a magic spell working in un-seen ways as the years un-fold…
For me looking back it seemed so quick , so fast a year can go. Especially travelling . I see 2 years of sobriety mostly. A time of growth and coming to terms with loss. A time of accepting and letting go. A time of growing deeper in the fellowship and in my own spirituality. Seeing with clearer vision that my partner and I might not make this life journey together. That that piece of my puzzle may not fit back together the same way . Yes , were co-parenting and yes were friends. Partners still in many ways, But intimacy is gone and I thought it would return , magically. So I’m learning to love in a new way ,a different way . I am such a physical person and I need those aspects in my life and this is my test I sense. This time of losening my grip on self and seeing just seeing where it might go, what magic might be in this new reality for me and for us. So we’ll sit here in Bisbee and wait out the beautiful snow less winter. Spring will come when it does and “new “ will come forth and we will see where this journey takes us next. Happy New Year.