Seattle incident.

So off I went with a bag of food, change of clothes and my phone to navigate my way into the big city. I would need to take transit all the way, a 5 hour deal. After missing my first bus and the next one not for another 4 hours, I tooled around PT and hit the noon AA meeting. I laid in the grass at the bus station for a while pretending I was homeless and tried to feel into it. It was kinda freeing to think of being just myself in the world. No family, no bus, no forest fires to think about…ahhh! But after about 15 minutes of playing the tape to the end I felt la deep loneliness. Not solitude. Loneliness I once heard , is “ the poverty of Self. Solitude is Its riches”. So I decided not to take the hundred bucks in my pocket and go find a bar and have a drink.

Bus finally came then a ferry ride then another bus which brought me about 2 blocks from the house I was gonna work on. I was feeling anxious about staying at this total strangers house, awkward. Anyway I let my self in using the code she sent me. Nice house. Modern. Wood and glass, 3 levels. She was great. Showed me the lower room where I would stay, perfect. Simple and out of the way. Then she showed me the projects: upper deck, lower front deck, handrails and some wooden steps. Seemed all doable but really not as much work as I was hoping. Maybe 3 days. I’ll work from 8am to around 5pm , take half hour lunch. Leif had left me some materials in the garage to use and I brought a good brush and my trusty 5n1 tool. First day went great got a lot done. Second day there was an “incident” let me say. A mishap might be a better word. Listen to this. I have been painting houses for a long time. Not only houses but decks, shops, garages, barns, wharehouses, walmarts, little shops, big shops, Navy ships. You name it I have painted it. At least once.

I have spent half my life on ladders, roofs, scaffolding, bucket lifts, and diy roof platforms. I can remember falling off a ladder one time in the past 30 years. I broke a window and no bones. So when this “mishap” occoured it was hard to swallow. This 2-3 million dollar home in an affluent south Seattle hood was well kept and one could tell these folks were particular about details. Anyways, I was working on the upper deck railings and to do the exteriors of the railings would need some ladder work. Now the only ladder he had was a 16’ aluminum extension ladder, not quite high enough. But I could tell I might be able to rig something up…He, the husband worked away all day and she worked at home in the upstairs office. The front of the house had a little stone patio and a good size square table that might just work to put the ladder on to be able to reach the upper rail. So I calculated, and confirmed and re-thought and visualized and agreed with myself that it could just work. I moved the table in place to do the upper side railing. The ladder on the table would give me the extra 3 feet i needed as long as the ladder stayed on the table. I didnt want to scratch the table so I went to the garage and found a rubber kneeling pad that Leif had left me. That would be perfect . So I climbed up with my bucket and brush and slowly felt the stability of the set up, not to bad. So I woked, slowly and carefully. No issues so I came down and moved the table to the front of the house to do the upper front railing. I added just a bit more stain to my bucket and climbed up. I was working from right to left nice and easy and got to the area right in front of me. Dip the brush, brush on. Dip the brush, brush on, repeat. Suddenly the ladder pulled away from the house. It dropped 2 feet and then fell forward with a crash, a loud splintering as the custom railing gave away . I slipped off the ladder , toes of my crock rubber shoes saving me as the whole set came crashing down! I fell backwards on the ladder then onto the table, luckily, hanging by those crocks, feet still in them almost like they absorbeed all the shock from the fall. Quickly I assessed. Nothing broken on me just some scrapes. Holy. Here comes a neighbor who saw the whole thing from his upstairs office. He cannot believe I am ok . He double then triple checks and leaves. My only focus at this point is too upright my stain bucket on the porch which has splatterd stain all over the face of their new siding! Quickily ,wondering what the homeowner is goona see when she come out any moment! The railing is broken , the wood shards where it ripped away from its moorings when the ladder crashed thru it are everywhere. Stain bucket spilled out onto the deck and over the siding, ladder bent laying on the ground. I went into a strange mode of being. As the seconds ticked by i wanted to reduce the sight of carnage as quickly as possible. I went into overdrive. I wiped, and wiped, picked up the shards tried to re-attach the broken railing and picked up the table that tipped over. The ladder was bent. And as I hurried around thinking maybe its not so bad ,she never came out. She never heard the crash. Nobody did, except the neighbor 3 doors down , how can this be??

Regardless , I kept working and cleaning. After cleaning up the stain on the siding and porch it seemed ok. The railing I could fix, I think. The ladder I could fix, I think. I was shaken but I was un-harmed. I couldnt believe it, but I had to. It just happened. I thanked my angels, again and again. It was a big fall and my legs or feet should have been broken.

Still nobody came. I calmed down , went outback and started looking for ways to fix the railing. Found some long screws and a cordless driver in the garage. Fixed up the railing added a few new screws and puttied the holes. Now I needed to fix the shattered part that was most visible.The easiest way woud be to just cover the busted part with a similar piece of wood and stain it. So I looked around and lo and behold under the porch there was an old piece of similar size wood. Perfect. So I cut it to lemgth and screwd it to the ugly section.

Looked good. better. You could tell it was a “patch” job but looked ok. Everything was seeming back to normal except for the bent ladder. I carried it outback and took it apart. I could see where it was bent and needed to be pounded back into shape. I got a small sledge hammer and gave it a few taps then a few more and put it back together. It worked! Not as smooth as it was but functional. Ok well I thought to myself “I think I just covered my ass”. Then I had the relization. Why was I always trying to “get away with something?” Seems like if I’m honest with my self looking back on my life there is this mode I operate in times when I messed up or had an accident. “If I can get away with it it must be ok. “ From early school days of getting in truoble and getting caughgt doing stuff in our nighborhood it is a really old pattern. So I thought what am I tryimg to get away with here? Not wanting to admit my mistake? It was an accident and still, I wanted it to go un-noticed. I was afaraid of the consequences: maybe they would not pay me, maybe they would want a whole new railing, maybe they would see the small splashes of stain on the siding, maybe they would not want my friend Leif to work for them anymore for recommending me!! All these thoughts supported the notion of “try to get away with it,” when deep down I knew I needed to let them know. So after a few hours of working and thinking I decided I would tell them that night. After I told them I had a slip and broke the railing they were really just glad I was ok. They saw my patch job and were ok with it. And boy did I feel so much better. They were happy with my work overall and paid me in full. I left there feeling elevated and glad I didnt have to carry the weight of dis-honesty. I was able to put my big-boy pants and deal with the situation. I rode the bus to downtown Seattle and got off. Within 2 minutes I saw a woman with her pants down around her ankles talking to the pavement. A old man smoking a glass crack pipe on the corner and another man throw a rented scooter down a flight of stairs in anger. Holy cow. In that moment I was glad of who I was and who I am becoming. I just need to keep doing the next right thing and the rest will fall into place.